Anorexia-Over-My-Head

Pro-Ana is Shutting Down

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 01:06:41 GMT

Dear All,

I have decided that I am no longer continuing to post about pro-anorexia. However I am going to switch this journal's title and it's theme. That is, I will no longer be discussing my current weight and practices, because anorexia is not overwelmingly in my life as much as it was when this journal was first introduced. I will say this though, that every has their slip ups, and their feelings of insecurity, but I do not religiously practice those weightloss rituals as I once did. This is the end posting of this subject on "pro-ana." Those who I have met through this site and have become great friends, please do not distance yourself from talking to me when you need help with any weight issues. If anything, I can now help you find healthier ways of doing so since I am majoring in Gender Studies and Human Sexual Behavior, and also concluding, nutrition and health. Thanks all for always being there for me when I needed you,

Sincerely,
Emma

Winter Reminders

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 18:43:43 GMT

And All I Am Is Reminded Of You
Haunting Me Forever
Every Yule Holiday
XxXx...

This time of the year is attached to strong memories. One’s in which I deny, until nothing else is any longer visible in my mind or sight. It was our season. The long nights in the snow were endless and romantic. In our own ways, we found love between us like no other person could find. It was an intense passion, that is cemented into my memory forever. If there is a forever. I know this image of you is a fantasy. That is, what once was, is not and will not be apart of my life again. You are just a map that the snow lays out in front of me when the snow falls. Something, and the only thing I knew for years of my life. I have travelled so far, but your face is printed in the ice. It has become a reflection of winter. It is hard to erase by skating over it, like it does not exist. Still, I keep trudging along, in hopes of leaving you behind. The past is just an obstacle, in which disallows me to continue through this day peacefully. It haunts me all over again, every time during this time of the year. As storms grow nearer, so do you. This is hard for me to ignore. Please, this is no longer real. Please, do not haunt me this Christmas Holiday.

-I've Been Everywhere-

Sun, 12 Oct 2008 14:02:46 GMT

Hi All,

Sorry I havent been writing... I have been so busy and so... well depressed, not to mention my anxiety attacks I have been having every single night for the past three weeks. I am doing horrible. I don't even know what to write right now... just letting you know... I havent forgotton about you journal.

Xxx, Emm

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 15:00:01 GMT

99 pounds.
sister caretaker.
honors student.
too much work.
bills overload.
getting poor.
help me.

Draw Me a Picture

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 23:47:18 GMT

I know I haven't been writing. I have just been a complete mess. Just recently being two nights ago... Monday night. I had a very bad situation with my sister. I have been her only support system, if you can even call it that. I don't know if she's doing drugs, or there is something wrong with her clinically. I walked to her place at 4:30am, because she called me hysterically crying about not being able to get fully into her house and there was someone trying to get into the entry way. I walked there with a jackknife in my pocket. She kept screaming and then hanging up, leaving me beyond worried. I got there ready to threaten whoever was there, but there as no one. I got in, and she was inside her apartment balling her eyes out. I asked how she got in and gave her hug. I held her for about 40 minutes or so as she cried hyseterically about no one loving her. Her eyes were most memorable, in a negative way. Most of the time they were up in her head, as though possessed-like. I was scared. She couldn't walk and she forgot everything every few miutes that she said, happened, or that i was even there. She started talking about the voices...

Sister: "Aren't they annoying"
Me: "What is?"
Sister: "The voice they keep trying to talk to me"
Me: "there is no one talking"
Sister: "no, you were here with me when they tried talking, like now"
Me: "..there is no one here but you and me, there are no voices"

Her eyes when she was hearing voices I wasnt hearing at 5:30am in the morning were unforgettable. And I am scared with this image of her. Now I've witnessed my sister within the last month, kick bouncers violently, basically sexually strip on a dance floor, her upper body, fall all over the place, hit random people in the bar, sleep with anything that moves, cry hysterically, try to kiss and carress my girl friend Rachell, wake up in a hotel with bruises all over her... etc. This by far was horrible. I can't keep watching her do this to herself, try to take care of her while she constantly puts her life at stake, take care of myself, eat, sleep and breathe, do well in school, etc. I love her and I will always do anything for her but I cannot take this all by myself anymore... I need help. She needs help. I called my mom and told her, everything. We might be doing an intervention within the next week but right now i'm the only one she loves and goes to... an intervention might break that alliance... what do i do.... if she doesnt come to me... who knows what will happen. Maybe the intervention will ruin our relationship...

I can hardly breathe.

XxxX Draw me a picture of how this should be XxxX

Emm.

Philosophy of My Ana

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 03:32:00 GMT

I need help - No one will understand - My friends will think I'm pathetic - Anorexia is something to hide - I need help - Im pleading. - I need it. - Help me.

9:11 (pm)

Mon, 15 Sep 2008 03:00:34 GMT

It’s time for the hour of blazing fire to burn out your soul and heart, says the man in my head
The liquor and the drugs are only emphasizing the wrong directions you are taking, says God
You will go under, and you will live a low class life, and be a scumful mother, says Satan,
It is never to late to turn yourself around, he contradicts.

She sits at her desk, rubbing her eyes, attempting to retain each word she has read.
It is getting late and all she can think about it the overwhelming pile of work that needs to be done.
She has the dreams but not the motivation to get through the night or through the year in fact,
Her head wonks, her eyes water, and her head drops slowly to the surface.

“You are a failure,” a voice says as she lies in the hospital bed
“You have no longer been recognized as a poster child,” a man explains
“You have lost your identity, of your future self,” says the authority figure
“I know….” she says undeniably.

She jolts her head up as fast as she cans, and realizes she has fell asleep,
She knows the roads she has been taking, will fail her repeatedly.
She can’t stop her drinking, she cant stop her thinking,
Her eyes just keep on closing, into her soon to become reality.

-SMASH-

“This is your last warning, you will lose everything you have earned,” they say.
“Is this the object you want to become? Are you willing to lose your morals?” simultaneously inquiring.
“If so, then pull the plug,” they say, as they go to turn off the life support.
“If no, then find those reasons why, and act upon them.”
The cord slowly pulls….

-BANG-

There is silence. There is indulgence. There is contemplation. There is the living.

I am invisible, so I don’t mind if you have not met me. If you were interested, you would know the darkest secrets of my life. Since there is only one person who really knows it all, and has been far gone for ages, I would not expect you to try to get to know me. There is no such thing as emotional support, when you are so detached from the world surrounding you. The environment and the people blur together, and you cannot decipher the difference between the two. Death and living blends into the same existence. There is nothing you can do about this vision. How you cope depends on how well you are capable of ignoring all the past and all the situations that present before you. You might fail, but there is nothing anyone can do about that. You might not understand the aspects of yourself, and you might be everyone but who you are. Then again, maybe that is who you are, everything your not. Maybe this is the person you are suppose to be. Melting into a depression much further than anyone could comprehend other than those in the same position. But you are probably hiding like me.. But slowly, I cant hide anymore. So tonight, I pop these pills and drift into a momentary numbness that nothing or no one could ever give me. When you look at me, you will once again see nothing. My cuts are bleeding just as they always have but you still do not see. I have to be dead. In order for the realization of my suffering comes to surface. Realization after my suffering is over. There is no hope for someone who has been this way all their life, as long as they can remember. Judge me, cause you do not know me. But you have your stories too. I have mine.

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 02:49:19 GMT

Let me start with a conversation that was held in my Forensic Anthropology class today. Forensic Anthropology is the study of human remains. At this particular moment, the professor was speaking about the weight and incredible abilities of the skeletal structure of the human body.

Professor: "You know when you jump on a scale and you see that you have gained 10 pounds over the past little while?"
She asked the class, everyone stared blankly
Professor: "And you know the saying that, it's just because I am big boned? Well bones are very light, and are very similar in each case. Therefore when you see you've gained two pounds, then think again, it's probably those pringles you've been stuffing in your face all month."
The room fell quiet to her rude unthoughtful truth.
Classmate: "I guess that means you shouldn't eat those baked chips."

At this point of the day, I had already ate more than usual, because I wanted to start feeling better about things. Well that just ruined it right there. Now those who know me well, know that I have created this disorder out of a way to control something out of uncontrollable situations. However, once you start this routine periodically, it becomes apart of you and becomes a lifestyle you did not mean to permanentally marry. That's one thing about psychological measures though, what you talk yourself into doing, you can talk yourself out of it. Some processes of unwinding whats already been done however, is more difficult.

I have been isolating myself abit lately, but have been making this new friend. She's a nice girl who is right about where I was last semester. We are planning to go out tomorrow night together, having an anti-SMU and every drama in the world. We figure we'll be stuck in the drunk tank. That's always a good goal for a non-dramatic night. Some drama is good though, like having a good time and stories to tell. I felt like I have ate a lot today, well i have in comparison to usual. But hopefully that feeling will go away soon. I really hope. I haven't really been engaging in activities that I normally do, I have lost interest.

My best bud from my hometown was speaking in her blog about sexual energy, but to be more specific intense positive sexual energy. I seem to have a lot of that going around. Although my sexual energy is far vast from that positive inclination. There have been traces of somebody's in my bed, that look remarkably like nothing I would have. Classical gangsters if you will. And her... but in a much different manner than the hims. But that makes no sense either. I have been keeping myself on a downlow, because it seems I need something always to treat me to a different feeling than i have.. my recent vices have been of course Ana, and alcohol, which those who have seen my cupboards know, and those who have been told know and can probably tell i'm not really the same lately. But also, sex. Something I use to find, "sensationally sacred," I find the need for the pleasure as an escape of feeling wonderful, but at the same time, I am feeling like shit. Because I am being used in the instances I have taken it.

Tomorrow I get the internet for good... That is something I can't wait for...

Xxxx,
Emm

[evil needs candy too always]

Ranting

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 03:39:16 GMT

I have been reading for hours,

However, not even a dent is placed within my schedule,

I am dieing in agony of trying to slam all this information in my head which is relevant, but also irrelevant to what I want to study.;

I have too many thoughts, and too many conceptions of psychology and history flowing through my head that I would like to sit down and wait for it to piece together;

Instead of wasting my time cramming, resulting in not comprehending the information and remembering it for longer than a short period of time;

There are many things I’d like to discover before I die, or before some tragic event happens where I may be incapable of proceeding with research of my own.

I know I still have things to learn, but to cram all this in my head at once, I am not learning anything.

I will not get started on tests, and their unfairness as a whole, as a test of intellect they are momentarily efficient ways of getting marks over with, with no respect to the individual and what they may have on their minds that particular day,

Not everyone has the capability of shutting off their brains to the external world, and intellect their way to peace.

Inside their head, and their writing regarding the tests there is a conflict, a long never ending battle of remembering material read or heard and trying to forget those daily stressors that kill you in the midst of it.

Suicidal tendencies may not particularly be one their mind, but complete isolation is indeed a relevant and safe escape goat to an extent.

Into their books you may find traces of students lost in an never ending pit of what only is perceived to be success and productive.

But success and productiveness lies only in the mind and perception of the individual acting upon these academics,

For one may not be successful if their heart is not in what they do,

And one may not see being productive, with being crammed of memorization, not learning.

For what one perceives as happiness, or goals, may be merely nothing, poor, stupid, in another eyes.

Xxx,
Emm

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 01:55:56 GMT

she plays me, i let her, shes far, shes near

bottle of rye, make her disappear

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 23:23:22 GMT

8:21pm Depression and Alcoholism and Anorexia

There’s empty bottles all over my bedroom. On an empty stomach, you’ll find me passed out in my bed, above the sheets. There may be a strange person in my bed, but chances are, it’s just me. I cant imagine living in the state I felt myself slowly falling back into. Things that you choose to ignore tend to come around once again in new and unexpected ways leading to unknown grounds of coping. I just want to enter to another state. My glass full of rye and ginger allows me that advantage. My cupboards are full of half empty or half full bottles of liquor, look at it whichever fits your best description. People do not see me falling because I am behind walls, or they do not think I am capable of falling. When things happen, I am desensitized, but maybe it’s just a cover? Something that I do, just for all of it to come back at me at once. You wouldn’t understand if you even tried. Some days I cannot tell myself if I am an alcoholic? Anorexic? Losing my morals? Losing all sense of self? People will tell me when they find out, that it’s a bad road to take, and that it’s not what happens to you that makes your identity, but how you react and cope with those incidents that you cannot control. But is there sympathy anymore for mistaken falling? For self-destructive people stuck in a cycle of never ending drinking, starving, and popping pills. A couple shots in the morning to start off, is now not enough to alter my state of mind enough to get the energy to face anyone, or to face myself. I am lonely, but never able to pursue anything in fear of, in fear of fearing men and women both. You would think I would become insensitive to the abuse of others, or being used. Fact is that’s all I seem to allow myself to be now. An object of, sexual interest. An object of nothing more. For someone to care the way one use to, is inexistent. I am buried in a tomb where no one can see my face and I am just another girl striving for beauty, not out of her own spite, but to feel like she is worth something. Even if that worth says, “hey baby, use me, do whatever you want.” This is what I’ve become. This is what I am pursuing, even though I know it is not what I want. I do not advise you watch me fall. Hell, you might think I am bluffing. A lot of people do bluff. But my cupboards tell the story. I also advise you do not open them either. My patterns of living these days are unwell… something has to fix this. I have to, but I am afraid this time, I have entered unknown grounds.

I haven’t been faithful to my morals,

The steps that you thought I took,

I merely skipped past.

I don’t know where you think I made it,

I made it as far as my bottle of rye.

Back two steps, and you’d have found me.

But you’re too consumed with your new lifestyle,

And I am consumed in drowning myself in the fumes of yeast.

Fattening and losing all at the same time.

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 15:05:22 GMT

So it's 12:03pm, and I am going to class in about an hour. I have already had my caffiene fix, spiked with rum. Most people would say that's a sign of alcoholism. Want to know what I say? Yeah.. I dont care. Papers due already, no body here, that truely cares. Bitchface staring and talking about me. So highschool. So not worth it. I will write later when I have more time. Still gaining, still failing, still feeling like shit.. looking like shit.. I hate it. I hate you.

Emm

Make me a Bowl of Happy-Ever Afters - Vodka.

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 22:05:14 GMT

I'm just becoming fat, dumb and lonely here at university. Bursting into a million peices of nothing, wanting to just disappear. I thought I could handle life in university this time. I dont think I can. I am too scared of falling in the darkness, and be no one, but too scared to stand up and try to be someone! I guess that makes me a failure. I need a drink. I think I'll have one. I am 105. Gaining. I know I've only been here a few days but i need it to get better soon or I will lose hope right off the bat. There's a voice telling me that I migth fail, and if I do, I'm going to hate myself more. I have no one to talk to here anymore. No one that.. will understand what I am going through. I'm right where I left off when I left to my home town for a few months. Popping pills and drinking, hoping to ease the pain. Sleeping with, non-well kept persons, lieing in my bed.. not physically attracted, just lonely. just want someone to. be there. to make me feel something. else. slut.

xxxx,
Emm

Sat, 30 Aug 2008 22:20:19 GMT

I'm going to get ~~DRUNK~~.

Just ~~WATCH~~ me.

~~DRAIN~~ away this nervousness.

I have created a ~~BUBBLE~~ this summer.

Now I have to step ~~OUT~~ of it.

Nervous.

~~DRUNKNESS.~~

Wastedness.

I gotta ~~FADE.~~

XxxX,
Emm

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 20:35:57 GMT

There were times when I no longer cared, and that the numbness of all my experience, raised further than any other emotion was able to feel.

There were times when I would breath, and all I could inhale was dirt. I liked it. The times that I drank my life away into a frenzy of losing control.

There were times that I popped my way to cheat life, when death was not on my mind, but the only option.

Or so, I thought.

There were times where, I could not bare to go on, that I have grown weaker, through growing stronger.

And still, feel nothing.

There were times I would let myself be loved and love in return, I have grown from that ability.

There are times where I could spend sleeping, drinking, dancing in the wind of a broken signal.

There were times I could read the signs of what roads were being taken.

There were times where I could watch my steps and learn, and cope… and..

Be innocent.

I have seen the light, but I am nearer to the dark, because protection is being trapped, is feeling, nothing.

All faith that was once in my heart, is torn and mutated into a pure disgust, for any remarkable story you’d have to tell me. That anyone would have to tell me.

There was a time, I believed in love too, but darling.. I believe in nothing anymore.

But journal, I believe in… my numbness.

Happier than I’ve ever been, Stronger than I was before, But lifeless… soulless… deteriorated…

Feeling.

Nothing.

Feeling.

Death around the corner.

Of one whom died a million times, only to die again.

Returning,

Again.

To nothing.

Weight: 103
Height: 5'5
Goal: about where I am
Intake today: chicken fried rice, and an egg roll

XXxx,
Emm

Underneath the Sheets

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 00:26:09 GMT

Underneath The Sheets

You think you’re in love when you expect me to feel the same,
After you sleep with her in our bed,
You’re apologies are too late
I’ll never, I’ll never fall in love again.

Her arms around me.

You don’t even know, you probably don’t even care.

Maybe she’ll love me, more than I thought I loved you.

Cause maybe, I’ll learn to love her too.

In my bed, there’s no man inside it.

In my mind, there’s no one inside, with the looks of you.

Her skin is soft, and her life is a story made of stone.

Underneath the sheets, I hope to be found.

She grabs my thighs, I grab around her waist..

And I wait…

The sun is rising, and I’m still lying in her arms,

And I am still… sleeping in her eyes.

She doesn’t know I care, that I’m there,

That I feel for her what she once felt for me,

I never told her, he was there…
I wish I’d had.

She lays in my bed, not really there,

Thinking of her, while I wait for her,

Thinking of me, like I’ve never thought of her.

Fact is, I have thought of her, since the first day I seen her.

Getting Beyond the Goal

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 23:49:26 GMT

Okay, so I might have gone a litte over board, but I think its okay because my body is suppose to be naturally this small. Weird things happen in weird areas when I do have weight on. I weighed myself today, (at the end of the day) and I was 100 pounds... At the end of the day, you weigh more than you normally do, weigh less usually in the morning. So i'm talking about maybe not even being 100 in the morning. Maybe I am though, I dont know this.

So, maybe this means something like, I should put some food in my stomach or maybe i should continue what im doing. I thought I was failing miserably at it after those burgers and things.. Maybe its ok to snack out like that once in awhile. I am feeling... >weird< today... and >lonely<.. and >nervous< for whatever this year brings... bahh... I will be all alone... :\

Sigh...

Current Weight: 100
Height: 5'5

omg.
xxxx,
Emm

Speed, Purgers, and Ana

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 20:12:41 GMT

So, I'm feeling like shit again today. Not really happy lately... I dont know why. I kind of long for someone to care about me. That's a cheap shot at saying "I want something, so I have to make something happen." This is my journal of what haunts me. Yeah, my weight, my looks, is something i can control. When all is lost and out of control, I turn to her. To ana. You probably think I've been this way all my life because i've been pretty "small" all my life. Fact is, it started badly in first year university. In the past, I tried to fight it. First year university I wouldn't eat for longer periods than I do now. I would excessively excersize until I passed out because I had no food in my system. Mainly I think it was because of my bf at the time. Not that I am blaming him persay, just the way I felt with him.

I remember, when I knew this was about control. That I knew I was only doing it to set something order. To make sense for myself. Eventually though, now it's just a habit. When I go to eat, when I go to think about eating... I work in a scheduled fashion... when, where, how much, why, how do i get rid of it? You know I'm not a purger. But you know I have. To actually purge through puking... and for me to actually do it. I must be in an amazingly bad state, because I can't stand the thought of it.. I just starve.. then excessively purge through other substances... not necessarily ones you intake.

When I grew up, I use to fight ana, because I always seen my mom popping tons of speed when I was younger to lose weight. She never felt beautiful enough for my father. But who would, for a womanizing-ass he is. My sister was hospitalized for bulimia, it was to the point, they thought she wouldn't live more than a few years. She was just killing herself. She still does it. She's still living. But I'd say hardly at the rate she's going. My father didnt help, always engaging my sister in sports, making her win win win, and work really hard. Then one day, a joint, and ligament in her leg was grown in the wrong way, cause extreme damage. She had surgery and couldn't play sports anymore. That was her life. Then other things took place. Other interests, and other goals. To lose weight. We all have our reasons... my family's just seems to strive for a sense of control.

I think that's how mine began.. to control something... but now it's past controling. It's a life style. I'd always said, "never will i be like them," "respect your body." I do preach it, but I lost my will to believe it. So that makes me.. unworthy.

I know what you're thinking, long depressing note for an ana journal. I thought I'd drop peices of my history with you.. even if their vague... and unwanted.

XXxx,
Emm

Feeling Like Crap

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 21:32:45 GMT

I know what you're going to say, "my my how you've gained weight." HA! Wait until you see my bones. Sorry that was me thinking to myself after I just ate a big FAT bowl of ice cream. Possibly also how about those burgers I stuffed down my throat those days on the weekend. I actually don't feel bad about that though because I know they wouldnt have done anything to me sense I hadnt eaten much the days before or that day itself. So meh, I get a break every now and then right? I am on my curse, so I feel extra fat, and crave extra stuff. But I think I'm just glad my curse came. I didn't think it was going to. So i'm still bouncing between 101-103, I'd say with the extra water weight today 103.

I havent been going to work hardly all week. I feel so tired, and so drained.. and so.. pathetic. I went dancing on the weekend at this club. Some guy really had it in for me, which wasnt a good thing, seeing that I ended up being held up against the wall by the end of it. Not to also mention, the blurry eyes, and feeling like I drank a quart of tequila and a pint of whiskey after the clubbing. Although, I only had one drink and a shot. So maybe it was tiredness or.. starvation or.. something else. I dont know, either way, I got home safe. And in the morning I had no voice. Hahaha, well i did, but hardly.

- I Am A Skinny Ugly - Catch Me -

Stay Strong girls, Luves
XXXX,
Emm

Goal Achieved.

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 21:18:54 GMT

Hi all, I've been very busy.. oh my god. But I have some good news.

I have almost made it to my goal! I am bouncing around 101-103.

Yay

Loves,
Xxxx,
Emm

A Thin-Ugly Kind of Girl

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 23:35:41 GMT

So, I am 105, and I am wishing I was a little smaller. I know I'm small for my height... but I just crave something with more control. Something with more..substance. The new pants I bought don't even fit me anymore which makes me happy in the sense I'm losing weight, and unhappy in the sense I just wasted money. I should always buy things smaller to make me want to gain weight, or better yet have to!... I am actually at my girls house right now. I thought I should give a quick update.

~~Consumption of the Day~~
Food: I went to have a peice of pizza with the toppings off. I took a couple bites and feel disgusted with myself. I had a slice of toast. And felt disgusted.
Liquids: 2 bottles of water, a pop, and french vanilla flavored drink
Excersize: 20 mins of jogging... not much i know.

Xxxx,
Emm.

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 21:48:04 GMT

Up and down and all around. I gain I lose... Im fun like that.

105

Can't really tlak right now blah

Emma xx

Feeling Okay

Sat, 02 Aug 2008 18:32:16 GMT

Well... Okay, I ate quite a bit today but I am actually feeling quite good. I am 105, so i've reached part of my goal. I need a break from fasting though so my metabolism doesn't go to shit.

My sister is home from Ottawa, and I havent seen her in four years so this would be why there has been lack of updates lately from me. I apologize for that!! I miss my girlies.

How is everyone else doing! let me know <3

Morning Glory and Thunder Storms

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 22:29:06 GMT

I was said to write something positive... hmm positive. Okay I have a few good notes.

1. I didnt have any cranky customers to the max today! WOW.
2. I'm still at 105
3. I am running out of things already!

Sorry Jo-Bee. I'm starting to feel very hungry... I havent ate yet today. I'm thinking I'm almost due to eat. Lammas feast is the end of the week, I'm scared that I will ruin it all in one day... oh well. Some things are just more acceptable than other reasons. Other than that I've been doing really good today. I'm just not in a good state to like update right now... dont really know how to talk and multitasking cause im webcamming!..

Xxxxx,
Emm.

Weekend Loss

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 23:44:40 GMT

Sorry I wasnt around peoples! I was away for the weekend. So I managed to royally screw myself over one day of having to eat because of my rent. However, in the past three days, I have went from 110 to 105. I feel like it took my forever to lose the pounds. However, I seem to be bouncing between 105-108 during the day. This may leave some confusion. I must admit I was getting abit woozey today at work. I was a bit shakey and feeling a bit nausous. I don't know if this was from not eating much, or something else. Regardless, I'd say I'm doing okay. I wanted to update while I was away but people looking over my shoulders wouldn't appreciate a journal called 'Anorexia-Over-My-Head,' so for obvious reasons I haven't been able to get back to you all. So here is what I have for now

Cw: 105-106 area bouncing
GW: 101-102
Tomorrow: No intake of food, just liquids

So it was funny cause to see what my dad would say this weekend, after he kept telling me I was gaining weight, he tried to get me an ice cream. I said "I would rather not, i'm gaining weight and on a diet of only salads if I do eat"(starvation more like it) and he encouraged it hahahaha. My mom would be livid. Anyways girls & gents if there are many...

Xxxx,
Emm

P.s. Keep Strong & Sympathy goes out to my girl!